Dear Valuable Reader,

I just watched this kid on TV yell “f%^&* You!” to his mom. I can’t believe how parents are able to allow their children to get out of control like that.

But it doesn’t stop there. No. I’ve met a lot of children whose parents control with the strictest of rules. And you know what?

As Soon As They Get Their Freedom After 18 Years They Go Out And Do All The Things They’ve Been Forbidden To Do!

I knew this girl in high school and her dad was as strict as they come. After I asked her out on a date, I had to come meet him, answer a bunch of his questions, sign a contract stating that I would bring her home at a certain time and NEVER lay a hand on her.

I felt bad for her. She was obviously embarrassed. But you know what? As soon as we were driving down the road and away from her parents, she was sucking on my neck and putting her hands down my pants!

Reality check, isn’t it?

So it got me thinking, how in the world and I’m going to be sure to bring my children up so they respect me, get good grades, and move ahead on the path to success? How can I make sure that my son realizes that he can have, be and do anything?

Well, I think I figured it out. However, I haven’t proved it yet because I’m in the middle of doing it.

You see, he’s only a few months shy of being two years old. He’s in this stage where he’s really beginning to understand what you’re saying, and even learning how to say sentences.

It’s a real neat experience to see your child grow up and go through all the different stages. Just yesterday, it seemed like I was holding him for the first time.

Anyway, all sap aside: you know what I think is the best way to make sure you’re child grows up to be a success in everything they do?

I think the best thing to do is to believe in them. When they do something great, praise them for it. Tell them that “I always knew you had it in you kiddo” or “Whaoh, look at Micah mom, he’s really doing it all on his own.”

You know what I think this does? I think it creates a sense inside the child at an early age that they can do anything, and that his father and mother will believe in him always. 

Again, I’m no expert at parenting but I know bad parenting when I see it. Like those parents that spend all their time focusing on telling their children what they “Can’t or shouldn’t do” instead of helping them focus on what they can do instead.

You see, when Micah does something I don’t want him to, I help him to focus on what he can do, or what I’d rather him do instead.

I’m not sure, but I feel that this early on conditioning to stay focused on the right things may grow deep roots and lead him towards success.

It also doesn’t set him up for failure or to avoid pain his entire life. Often times, you’ll see children growing up where they aren’t allowed to do much. They aren’t guided to believing in themselves.

As the years and months progress, they learn to focus on what they DON’T want to happen. Like their parents they say “No, don’t want that to happen, or this to happen.”

You see, when you focus on what you don’t want to happen, your brain goes to work making it happen. It’s been proven over and over again.

But get this, it’s not so much the thoughts you have, but the feelings!

You see, as soon as you think about something you don’t want, you generate a feeling and by universal law you begin to attract more situations that vibrate on the same frequency of this feeling.

That’s why it’s vital for the child early on to develop the habit of focusing on when they want instead. Anytime I see Micah doing something I’d rather him not do, I ask him “What are you trying to do son?”

I firmly believe that he’s not doing anything wrong even though it might seem that way to me. I’m just observing from my own beliefs. So I want to know what the reasons are for his behavior by getting him to show me what he wants or is trying to accomplish.

The good parent comes out of you then. Because instead of punishing the child, you can actually guide the child. They grow a strong bond with you. You become best friends. They trust you. Love you, and set off on the right foot at an early age.

I know as well as he grows up and begins to understand more, I’m going to feed him thoughts that he can have, be, and do anything.

Here’s A Funny Thought: Another parent overheard me talking with another about this and she turned around and said “Oh, so what happens when your child doesn’t get what they want, become who they want, or does what they want? That’s a good thing to teach your child then, isn’t it? They’re going to resent you for it.”

You know what I said? “Get bent, lady. I wasn’t talking to you.”  

No really, sure the child isn’t always going to get what he wants every time without fail. That is, if my son asked me to buy him a video game console, and I say no, it’s obvious he can’t get what he wants, right?

Wrong!

This is where good parenting comes into play (I’m talking to the brain dead hoochie trying to prove me wrong that day). Just because I don’t get it for him doesn’t mean he can’t or won’t get it. This is where creative problem solving comes into play – or more obviously, a business transaction.

Think about it: anytime you want something, you have to do something in order to get it. It’s a law. If you want a new car, you have to pay for it. You have to work to pay for it. Or... you might steal to pay for it or just steal it (I hope not, you’re better that that!). In every case, whatever you want, you have to do something to get it.

On a side note: If you live with a “take, take, take” philosophy, everything important to you will somehow be taken away, like you’re freedom, money, friends, family, luxuries and so on.

How do you think I know this?

No, I haven’t been to prison. But I have a cousin who was. He was such a thief you couldn’t even trust him in your own house. I still don’t, and we’re family!

One night, we had a conversation and I finally told him “The world don’t owe you shit, buddy. You better snap back to reality. Keep on taking man, and watch how everything gets taken from you usually much more costly than you’ve ever taken combined.”

Sure enough, six months later he was in the slammer. Missed his son’s birth and first two years of growing up. Lost his wife, had no money, and so on. 

Whatever.

So instead, I choose to teach my son how to get what he wants, on his own, by organizing some sort of business transaction.

Daddy isn’t always going to be there for him so I have to teach him how to get things himself. Maybe he’ll have to work for it, or let daddy teach him how to work “smart” and not “hard” for it.

Do You Want Your Kids To Be Rich When They Grow Up And Become Independent Adults?

Don’t ever show weakness in money. If you can’t afford to get something your child wants, instead of creating a “pattern” in their brain by telling them over and over that you can’t afford it, why not instead help show them what they can do to earn it?

Maybe you could say “Hey, you know what? I can tell you really want that. What would you be willing to do to get it?” Encourage them that they really can have it, if they’re willing to do something for it.

For some reason this just seems like a better approach to me instead of saying “sorry, we just can’t afford it right now hun. Maybe next time.”

What if you really can’t afford it and you buy it anyway? Well, then you’re teaching yourself that you are worthless. I know I’m in your face, but you’re teaching yourself that you’re worthless, and your kids are learning that they can just take advantage of worthless people.

Okay, maybe that’s a little too harsh. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t buy stuff for your kids. But it should be on a reward basis as often as possible. And you should never undermine your own future and well being just to satisfy some material urge your child has.

Ever seen a spoiled rotten kid? Every time I see one, I get a glimpse of how they’ll probably end up in some sort of political office trying to “take” by manipulating the system.

Whatever.

Again, these are just my thoughts and maybe you’ll gain some insight you never had before by reading them. Who knows? All I know is that I intend to do everything in my power to raise my children to be, have, and do anything they desire.

That’s not a bad start, don’t you agree?

Now, what do you intend to do for you children?

            Love Your Family,

 

Nathan Blaszak

P. S. Even though I feel like Dr. Phil, I’m certainly glad that I’m not him. I say this for my own reasons.

P. P. S. Again, I’m no expert in parenting – I’m just writing what I've learned!